This is my first blog post of 2026, and I want to start it exactly where I am — not where I thought I’d be by now, not where I hoped I would land, and not where I keep telling myself I should be.

I am still trying to figure this shit out called life.

I wish I could say this year feels like a reset. Like a clean slate. Like the moment where everything suddenly clicks and I finally catch up to the version of myself I imagined years ago. The woman who had a rhythm, a routine, a sense of control. The woman who wasn’t always rushing, forgetting something, or feeling like she was one step behind her own life.

But the truth is, I feel like I am constantly behind. Constantly catching up. Constantly reminding myself that I am doing the best I can — even when the best I can do doesn’t feel impressive or productive.

I am still sitting here on a Sunday afternoon, writing this blog, when I know I should have had this shit done during the entire 2 weeks I was off! Like what the fuck? I swear, sometimes I feel like I set myself up for this bullshit.

I know I can do better!

I fail a lot. I overthink even more. I talk myself out of starting things because I don’t feel ready, organized, consistent, or confident enough. I wait for the “right time” that never comes. I compare my real, lived life — the messy, unfiltered version — to what I see online and let that comparison convince me to stay quiet.

Especially when I don’t look the part.
Feel the part.
Or have the energy to pretend that I do.

This is where I am right now.

I swear this shit gets harder and harder. And I don’t want to sit here and say I am innocent. I know sometimes I can plan better. Use the strategies I tell others, or even just fucking do it, but the truth is, it is easier said than done. I swear the shit never gets easier; it just becomes boring and a habit of life.

trying to figure it all out with a plus one

I am a mother to a 16-month-old little girl named Sariah

She is my plus one in everything now.

She is the reason my world feels fuller and heavier at the same time. The reason my priorities have shifted overnight, my time feels like it disappeared, and my patience is constantly being tested, stretched, and rebuilt. Motherhood didn’t magically make me better at life. It exposed all the places where I still struggle, all the parts of myself that still need care, healing, and growth.

I love her more than anything I’ve ever loved.
And I am still learning how to be her mom.

I want to do right by her. I want to push her in the right ways, show up for her activities, be present instead of distracted, and create a life where she feels safe, supported, and deeply loved. I want to be the kind of mother who doesn’t just show up physically, but emotionally — even when I’m tired.

But most days, I feel like I’m just trying to keep my head above water.

I am always behind on something.
Sleep.
Laundry.
Emails.
Content.
Myself.

And yet, every day, I keep going.

Being behind has become my baseline

I live in a constant state of feeling behind.

Behind at work.
Behind at home.
Behind on my goals.
Behind on taking care of my body.
Behind on the version of myself I think I should be by now.

My time management is terrible. Not because I don’t care, not because I’m lazy, but because there simply isn’t enough time to be everything to everyone and still have something left over for myself. Some days I feel like I’m running on fumes, telling myself I’ll “get it together” tomorrow — the same tomorrow I’ve been chasing for years.

And social media doesn’t help.

Scrolling through perfectly edited lives, perfectly timed routines, and perfectly consistent content makes it easy to believe that everyone else has cracked some secret code I somehow missed. I use my own life — where I’m not yet, what I haven’t done, what I still struggle with — as an excuse to stop creating, stop sharing, and stop trusting that my voice matters too.

This year, I’m calling that out.

my career, my stress, and still wanting to get better

I work full-time as an assistant principal at an elementary school, and it is the most challenging job I have ever had.

In my first month, I lost 15 pounds from stress alone.

That’s not a flex.
That’s a reality check.

I walk into work every day carrying the weight of leadership, responsibility, and care for kids who deserve so much. I love them deeply. I believe in them. And at the same time, I still don’t feel like I know what I’m doing half the time. I am learning on the job, questioning myself constantly, and trying to grow into a role that demands more than I sometimes feel I have to give.

Some days, I leave work proud.
Some days, I leave depleted.
Most days, it’s both.

But I want to get better.

I want to be better at my job.
I want to be better at leading.
I want to be better at holding space for others without losing myself in the process.

And I’m learning that wanting to get better doesn’t mean I’m failing — it means I’m still trying.

The list of things I want to get better at

This year isn’t about reinventing myself.
It’s about improving the life I’m already living.

I want to get better at:

Being a mom
Managing my time
Showing up consistently
Taking Sariah to her activities without feeling rushed or guilty
Going to the gym more than I do
Eating better — and actually eating
Fueling my body instead of running it into the ground
Taking care of my mental health, going to get a pedicure lol I never do this.
Giving myself grace when I fall short, I never do this.

I always feel like I have to get back home to Sariah when she is not with me, or I feel bad for leaving her for hours unless she is at school. What the hell is wrong with me?

I want to get better at life.

Not all at once.
Not perfectly.
Just honestly.

Why Shaybleu still exists

shaybleu exists because this is my real life.

Not the highlight reel.
Not the polished version.
Not the version that waits until everything looks perfect before showing up.

This space is for the in-between. The trying. The failing. The days when I show up strong and the days when I barely show up at all. It’s for women who love their kids deeply and still feel overwhelmed. For women who are successful on paper but exhausted in real life. For women over 35 who realize that growth doesn’t come wrapped in a bow.

I am not here to sell perfection.
I am here to document becoming.

This is where I am starting 2026

I am stressed.

I am tired.
I am behind.
I am trying.
I am learning.
I am still showing up.

This year, instead of waiting until I feel ready, I am choosing to speak from exactly where I am. To stop letting comparison silence me. To stop letting fear of inconsistency keep me invisible. To stop pretending I need to have it all figured out before I can begin.

I don’t.

I’m still trying to figure this shit out.

With a plus one.