i swear i need a better system (or maybe I just don’t follow it)
I swear I need a better system.
At least that’s what I keep telling myself.
Because when my life feels chaotic, my first instinct is to blame the system. The schedule. The timing. The traffic. The day. Everything except the obvious.
But then I had to stop and tell the truth.
The system isn’t broken.
I just don’t follow the damn system.
let’s talk about last night, because… girl
I woke up this morning at 3:50 a.m., tired as hell.
And instead of acting confused, I already knew why.
Why did I go to sleep at 11:00 p.m.?
Actually — closer to 11:30.
That’s not an accident. That’s not life happening to me. That’s me breaking the rules of my own playbook and then waking up mad like the world betrayed me.
No, ma’am.
You did this.
I know what time I need to wake up.
I know how much sleep my body needs.
I know what happens when I don’t get it.
And yet, I still choose chaos at night and consequences in the morning.
Scattered brain loves a scapegoat.
Click on the image to view the short
When I don’t follow my own system, I wake up with a scattered brain and an attitude.
Everything feels like the problem.
The traffic is annoying.
The car in front of me is suddenly disrespectful.
Every delay feels fucking personal.
Meanwhile, it’s 5:00 a.m., and I’m stressed about being late for personal training — the personal training I signed up for because I said I want to become a real fit person.
Make it make sense.
I’ll say, "I'm working on myself,” while doing the exact opposite of what self-work requires.
My trainer literally texted all her clients for the new year, saying,
Eat something. Get some sleep. Come ready to work.
And I’m over here acting brand new.
This is the part I actually love (and need to honor)
Here’s what I do love: the investment.
I love that I signed up for training.
I love that I’m spending money on myself.
I love that I’m saying out loud that my health, my body, and my discipline matter.
But here’s the thing — investment only works if you respect it.
You can’t pay for growth and then ignore the behavior that comes with it. You can’t say you want structure and then stay up late scrolling for no reason. You can’t say you want better and keep choosing convenience.
At some point, you have to match the energy of what you say you want.
motherhood doesn’t get a pass either
And then there’s Sariah.
She’s been asleep since 9:00 p.m.
I could put her to bed at 8:30.
I should put her to bed at 8:30.
And did I read her a book last night?
No.
And that part bothered me.
Not because I didn’t have time, but because I didn’t use the time I had well. She has a whole bookshelf—literally hundreds of books. And I skipped that moment because I was tired and lazy.
That’s not “busy mom life.”
That’s undisciplined behavior.
And I don’t want that for her.
The best moments with Sariah
The system isn’t broken — I ignore it
Here’s the honest truth I had to sit with:
The system isn’t broken.
I just don’t fucking follow it.
I have routines.
I know what works.
I know what doesn’t.
It’s about the fucking PRE-WORK
And then I decide, randomly, that tonight doesn’t count.
That’s the part I’m done with.
Because I’m quick to judge when other people don’t follow through — but the mirror doesn’t lie. You don’t get to complain about inconsistency if you keep excusing your own. I am guilty of this shit. I had to really sit with myself and say You're not perfect, and you fuck up too! So why judge others so harshly?
Even if I had some chaotic system or schedule, I still could not judge others for trying to find their own system. How does that shit sound? So I’m checking myself…
And yes… the baby needs a system too
Also, Sariah needs to eat.
Because that baby is still waking up in the middle of the night like a newborn, and I am tired in a way that feels personal. That’s not just “baby stuff.” That’s routine. That’s structure. That’s consistency.
If I want better sleep, better mornings, and better energy, the system has to work for both of us.
Not tomorrow.
Not next week.
Now.
I can say that having a community of women helps. Especially women who reassure me I am not alone, crazy, or just a major fuck up! This is why this blog is so important to me! I need you all not just to encourage me but to give me purpose to keep doing this. Of course, I write this blog for myself first, but it’s so much more than that. You all give it life! You speak on it, you read it, provide feedback, and again you give it LIFE.
This community is what keeps me writing and not just writing bullshit, actually real shit I’m going through daily.
Some days I'm lucky FUCK, I can’t get this shit right like what the fuck. I need to work out 7 days a week, and then I only work out 4 days? Why am I punishing myself? Honestly, it’s because I ate some chocolate lol. Let me stop talking shit for real and tell the truth. This space is to tell the truth and take accountability for the shit I do!
I know I can better…
So… here’s the shaybleu system (for real)
I don’t need a new personality.
I don’t need a new planner.
I don’t need a new aesthetic.
I need to follow my own damn system.
The Shaybleu System (realistic edition)
1. Bedtime is not negotiable
If I need to wake up early, bedtime is 9:30. Not “one more episode.” Not “just scrolling.” Sleep is self-respect.
2. Do the fucking Pre-Work
Have workout and work clothes ready for the am. Prep what I can. Stop pretending mornings are the place to get organized — they’re not. Have Sariah’s bag ready and stop going to sleep until it's done; this saves 20 minutes every morning. All bags need to be in the car the night BEFORE. Again, do the fucking PRE-WORK
3. Eat like someone who wants energy
Not starving. Not skipping. Not surviving on vibes and caffeine. Sariah and I need real food. I need to keep trying with her and give her all different types of food, and not the damn bottle. And honestly, we give her the bottle because it’s easy and convenient for us, not her.
4. Movement is an appointment, not a suggestion
If I paid for it, I show up. Tired or not. Growth doesn’t care how I feel that day.
5. Less unnecessary bullshit
Late-night scrolling, folding clothes at midnight, doing everything except what actually matters — cut it. No more waiting until the last minute to do what I need to. My priorities are not efficient. It’s a choice to become 1% better every day, per James Clear, Atomic Habits.
So I’m going to cut all the unnecessary shit out. I know half the shit I do is unrealistic. I need to focus on what is realistic, or deal with the constant feeling bad about myself every fucking time I don’t meet my weekly quota. That stops now. That shit does not help.
6. One intentional moment with Sariah every night
A cooked meal, even if it's scrambled eggs and hash browns, clearly she ate this at Chick-fil-A, and I was so surprised! Thank you, Resha, for the play date! Listening to my mom when she said to try something different every day, and also that she needs a table to eat her dinner lol. Shoutout to my mom, always looking out when we need it! As I said, a community of women will always have your back and get you together! A bath. A book. A moment. A dance party. Not perfect. Just present.
7. Discipline over motivation,
Don’t wait to feel ready. I do it because it’s part of the system.
8. Eat healthy for 6 days and stop eating candy at work when I’m stressed. I tend to eat my go-to Starburst or any chocolate when the stress starts at work. So, I need to stay off Calvin for eating shit when I do the same shit. Like I said, take a look in the mirror and start there.
One of the best YouTube videos I’ve watched this year on the Mel Robbins show…
Click the image to view the video and ENJOY…I am telling you it will change your LIFE
This is the time to start managing my funds like a millionaire… or at least try by tackling 1 task at a time. Ok, I remember I do not want to make this shit unrealistic! I also have to remember I am in debt, have a baby, expenses have tripled, and our lifestyle has changed significantly. Soooo I will be mindful this is something that will take TIME…
But this can start today!!! Sariah, let’s go!!!!
final truth
I want better for myself.
I want better for Sariah.
And better doesn’t come from talking about it.
It comes from doing the boring, repetitive, unsexy things — over and over again — even when I don’t feel like it.
So no, I don’t need a better system.
I need to stop breaking the one I already have.
— shaybleu
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This time I am working on my RE-BRAND…I know this will take time to build, but I will keep failing until forever…In the words of my Uncle Benny the grind never stops…So let’s grind together
